19 out of 20 young women 'would change bodies'

Girls as young as seven would like to change something about their appearance and half of 16 to 21-year-olds would consider surgery to achieve their perfect body, a study has revealed.

It’s irresponsible to paint this as a female issue. Most young men would change their bodies too. (I would elect for a wrinkle-free ballsack.) Everyone is affected by pop culture ideals.

Censoring unrealistic images isn’t the solution. What comes after that? Banning the most beautiful people? Burqas for hotties?

No, the solution is this: laughter. Laugh at those corny, shallow models. Laugh at their daddy issues and their crushing need to be taken seriously. Mock the next person who uses the phrase ‘fashion forward’ in front of you. Tell them to put down Vogue and go read a book.

When your eyes are assaulted by some marketing dickhead’s fratboy confused notion of sexy (as you leaf through a magazine or stroll down the sidewalk or otherwise exist in these modern times), think about how shitty those poor models have it. Repressive diets and 20 hours per week in the gym, yet some mouth-breathing Photoshop turd has to still further strip them of personality before they become valuable. Take away the free drugs and hollow, casual sex and it doesn’t sound much better than any other cubicle drone’s station in life.

(Of course, this strategy may require some revision once American Apparel’s iconoclastic, patina-of-grime-oooh-so-sexy-gross strategy eventually reaches its logical conclusion: billboards of Dov Charney’s spread asshole are installed to advertise women’s apparel and nobody blinks.)