by Jason Mouratides

Scolari’s Office is my favorite neighborhood dive bar, and it is in the process of changing ownership. While I’m out of the country, it will be gutted and renovated. This process of upgrading the establishment will ruin it for me.

Before I leave, I’m going to need to bid a fond farewell to the following: $3 drinks that are so strong they make your eyes water and jaw tremble, free shows featuring the likes of The Vaginals and Batman vs Predator, a bathroom that people still insist on fucking in despite the piles of vomit in every corner and porcelain fixture, the septuagenarian with the stunna shades and portly Latina hooker, still-in-the-theater pirated movies on the TVs, and the hottest lesbian bartender to ever give me her number.